Greetings! Long time no see! I didnt plan to make this blog exclusively bachelor-related, but it looks like that's what's happened! Oh well! Who is excited for Ari's season in January?? I appreciate that the producers knew that they had to cast their net far into the past, beyond all the social media influencers and men with weird hair, back to a simpler time when men were race car drivers and women looked like Barbie dolls. That time was 2012, Emily's season. I am going to repost all my recaps from then, so we can get a handle on who Ari is. Not that I've forgotten! Enjoy!!

From 2012...

This season we will be going along on Emily’s journey to find true love for her and a great dad for Ricky. Tall order! Emily is so pretty she looks fake (and her teeth might be) but Carrie, Kevin and I all had a crush on her from Brad’s season. As Carrie speculated, she’s probably really ugly in real life…. to test that theory, here are some of the many adjectives the men used to describe her throughout this first episode:

gorgeous, stunning (many many times), amazing, phenomenal, holy smokes, beautiful, wow, in awe, absolutely gorgeous, [strong, responsible, independent– what?! these all came from one cool dude], great, amazeballs (jk, i added that one), better in person, hottest bachelorette, hottest mom in the world, jaw dropping, princess… etc. You get the picture!

Anyway, the first few episodes of any season aren’t ever that good. There are too many people, I don’t know who’s who, and there is too much corny chit chat. I had this one on in the background while I made dinner and priced items for my garage sale. So I know no one’s name. Plus, the best part is the preview for the rest of the season.

But, here are some things that stood out from the episode:

A singer/songwriter who claimed writing songs came as naturally as walking. His song consisted of singing the name Emily over and over again. Yeah, I guess that probably did come pretty easy, but I’m not sure it counts as a song….

A racecar driver? Hmmm….

If anyone ever got down on one knee in front of me and said “life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the number of moments that take our breath away” I’d probably puke on their head, so props to Emily for pretending that wasn’t terrible. Actually all throughout the meet and greet Emily was a good sport. I guess the guys are coerced into doing really dumb, embarrassing things, so it’s hard to hate them too much…

Warning: DON’T take a drink every time Emily says awesome or you’ll be blacked out before the show is halfway over.

For the first time I’m starting to feel like a lot of the guys look young (as in younger than me). Looks like my window to be on the Bachelor is closing! Oh no! It doesnt seem like EMily would be drawn to anyone young or baby faced, (or artsy or foreign or skinny) but I guess we’ll see! Just because she looks like Barbie doesnt necessarily mean she only likes Kens (but look at Brad…).

Aaaand 34 minutes in we have our first helicopter sighting! So glad that this show clings desperately to its symbols.

“Whoever this is we’re going to hate him”

Some dude named Kalen comes out and I am not impressed. I am also very tired of names ending in -an or -en. They are everywhere lately, and they usually sound fake. Aiden, Braiden, Caden, Kayden, Shaden, Laden, Maiden…. (I only made 2 of those up.)

I don’t remember anyone standing out except one guy who said he had six kids. I thought he was kidding but then he brought it up again in his exit interview before starting to cry. Six kids six moms? Who knows, he’s gone.

I like this guy:

Someone find out his name so I can see if he’s even still on the show. If not I’ll recruit him for my season.

Anywho- What did you think? Will this season be good? Luckily there are no models so we won’t have to deal with another Courtney. Plus Emily isn’t as dumb as Ben (and much easier on the eyes) so that will help, but I will miss making fun of Ben’s tank tops, hair, and general caveman demeanor.
Come on a journey of loooove with me! See you next week.