MUPPETS EDITION!

I will definitely be recapping my Vegas trip soon, but first: Le Bachelorette!

So, it’s only the second week, which means there are way too many guys, but here’s whats up so far. The very first date is with someone named —–. I honestly can’t tell if he’s good looking or not. Sometimes I thought he looked like a kinda cute older dad type, and sometimes he looked like he was just missing a rhinestone encrusted button up and a gold necklace and he’d never have to leave the Jersey Shore. Weird dichotomy. Not my type, plus his muscles were too big. What do you guys think?

Dad or douche?

They baked cookies then he sat in the car while Emily brought her daughters soccer team snacks. Haha. Fun! Of course, since he’s not an idiot, he said he was having a great time. Like anyone wouldn’t play along. Then they go to dinner and a show and danced on a platform surrounded by people. Kinda weird.

So… no helicopter?

They had a decent conversation and Emily responded to his words with other words! Take notes Ben– this is what a conversation looks like. So nice not to just have nods and grunts! Overall it was a fine date.

On the group date I found out the name of the guy with glasses I liked in the first episode. It’s Aaron… and he’s a teacher.  Perfect?

The guys have to perform on stage to raise money for Emily’s dead fiance’s charity. Kermit and Miss Piggy are also there. Im certainly not calling Emily a pig, but they do have some stylistic similarities!

Blonde, pink, and sparkles.

Now you guys all know I love making fun of things, especially this show, and I’ll continue to do so, but so far I think Emily is pretty cool. She talks and jokes with the guys and seems caring and thoughtful and she has freaking great clothes! After the muppet variety show they all go to the normal hotel and Emily has this awesome black little dress with a lace back. So pretty!

She talks with a nice guy named Chris, a young lil dude named Jeff (?), slow dances with Pauly D (at least I think that was him) and then this season’s Courtney cuts in. His name is Kelen or some such, and I do not like him. I shall call him Kourtney. They both have weird lips, shiny faces, and are way too full of themselves. JUST by the way this guy sits I can tell that he thinks he is the hottest thing goin. He tells Emily he has no problem talking to or getting hot girls. Yuck. He sucks. Cute teacher Aaron comes up and tries to steal her. Let him! It’s super awkward.

No socks no service.

She goes off with Aaron, yay, and Kourtney gives him this creepy little smile over Emilys shoulder as they hug goodbye. It’s gross. And then he has a confrontation with some other guys. He really is Courtney! But I have a feeling he will not be winning this season. And if he does I’ll shoot myself. And by myself I mean him.

Every girl wants me

Shockingly, the rose goes to Jeff! The 8-year-old boy who didnt look at Emily enough during the day. So I guess she likes a challange. Or, maybe she is picking him for little Ricky, and she’ll end up with someone else. We’ll see!

The next date is with Matthew McConaughey’s look alike, if Matthew McConaughey gained a few pounds for a role. I wasnt paying much attention to the date except the went to some gaudy hotel in West Virginia where Emily got her “first makeover.” What does that mean? How many has she had? And why? Maybe she used to look like a troll doll! There’s hope for all of us. Maybe I should go get my first makeover at that hotel…

What’s she going to wear to the final proposal? So fancy already!

Ultimately, their date was pretty boring and she didnt give him a rose. This makes Emily cry. Eh. Bye bye. I have forgotten his name already and I am literally watching the show as I write this… But I’m glad Emily is cutting people she doesnt feel a instant spark with. It’s good. If I’ve learned anything being on match.com over the years, its that you can tell pretty quickly if you’re into someone or not. Like within, say, 3 minutes.

At the Rose Ceremony Emily reads a looong, like TEN page letter from Ryan. Really?? What on earth could you fill ten pages with, on a person you’ve spent 1 date with? Wow. They should really post that letter on the Bachelorette’s web site. She also gets rid of cute Aaron. COol! Call me! Dont know who else she got rid of, but unfortunately not Kourtney. Next time!

Stay tuned for roller coasters, man tears, and a shattered ostrich egg. Sweet!