Week 2 The Chad-lorette

Greetings!! Welcome to Week 2 in Jojo Searches for a Husband. I am writing to you from Aaron's old house, which we moved out of on Monday but were not able to get internet at the new place until next week, so I am laying on the floor in a cold, empty bedroom because I am committed. And I didnt want to get off track just 1 week in. Next week I will be watching in warmth from our sweet new couch, possibly while sippin on some wine as well.

As for this week, we are off to a strong start when this guy:

ooooga

thinks he is the only one among the men who has ever been with a girl as a hot as Jojo before. He also mentions his "auto dealer" days as a (used?) car salesman, and his name is Chad, so I'm not sure why he is so cocky, but he is, and it's annoying me already! I mean, Chad, if you are going to suck and trick someone into liking you, you generally have to be pretty hot, as Bachelorette History has taught us.

The first group date begins with a limo on fire.... symbolizing a burning of the past?? The men hope that Jojo isnt inside the limo needing rescuing... now that would be quite a dramatic beginning. Surprise! Jojo pulls up in the fire truck and puts out the fire while not wearing anything to protect her arms. The men watch and are schocked that women can do this. She puts them all at ease afterwards by telling them it was "harder than she thought it would be." Phew! She is still girly. 

The men have to go to a fire training to compete for Jojo and show her that they have brute strength. All of them do except for Wells. Grant is an actual firefighter so that seems unfair. (And it turns out he won! That would be embarrassing if he didn't.) The last contest is to literally save Jojo from a burning building (so much for her being the firefighter). She stands at the top cheering for the men to come save her. She wants them to do well because "trust is important to her." Wow, really? I wonder why. One the date, she kisses Luke, laughs with Wells and also gives him the rose. Hmmmm.  

Oh yeah, back at the house the men seem to be working on a musical called "Jojo Where'dya Go?" and it is looking like its gonna be pretty good. Chad hates it and would rather hang from the rafters. Thats not a metaphor. 

Hanging Chad

Derrick gets the first date and Jordan is sad. Maybe Jojo is listening to the advice of the tribunal and ignoring her fave early on. He is bummed, and so am I. 

He looks like a poor man's John Krasinski?

Derrick is sorta cute in a Jim and Pam kinda way, and Jojo takes him on a Choose Your Own Adventure date where, in each instance, they pick the opposite of what I would have done. Made for each other? They go Sky, North, Golden Gate bridge, (and have been upgraded from helicopter to private jet, so well done, Jojo), and end up picnicking by the water, then dining by the water. She gives him a rose and they kiss by a fountain. 

Meanwhile, back at the house, musical rehersals are still ongoing and Chad tells us that he usually "warns girls" about nice guys. Oooooh boy. He thinks you can only be nice if you are fake, so that's pretty frightening. What would be really great would be if he didnt get picked for a date at all this week. Alas, he is going. 

The men have caught on pretty quickly that Chad sooks. Let's see if Jojo notices! They find Jojo on Sports Nation which I guess is a sports show. So the hosts are here to "protect Jojo" to "make sure she picks the right guy." Wow, Jojo is lucky she has help, there is no way she could pick the right one on her own. Let the games begin!

The men have to do a touchdown dance with a rose, do a fake proposal, and get interviewed. Chad is literally the worst. Why is Jojo saying that his honesty is something she likes about him? You know what, honesty doesnt automatically make you a good person, and what he calls "honesty" is actually just a bad attitude and a crappy disposition. And now Jojo's "protectors" give him second place, thereby illustrating the problem with not choosing for yourself. Uhg. How annoying. Yes Chad, we know you just met Jojo and don't actually love her yet. You can also say you love her smile, even if you've only known her one day. Chill out, and maybe lighten the dose on the steroids. Just one woman's opinion! (which I am sure doesnt hold much weight with Chad. He relies on suitcases full of stones for that) 

Y'all don't know me! Y'all just jealous!

James Taylor, the singer/songwriter from Nashville, reads Jojo some type of manifesto that includes the gems I love "family, food, strangers, hardcore man stuff but also the occasional chick flick and always a happy ending." Whoa. I wonder what hardcore man stuff is? I wonder if Jojo likes chick flicks. I wonder if happy endings are legal in Nashville now. This note leads to a kiss, and, eventually, a rose... sending CHad into a lovely tailspin.

We have the pleasure of listening to Chad narrate the date. For someone who earlier claimed not to know Jojo well enough yet to be able to say a single nice thing about her, he sure seems to know her now! He tells us that she 1. doesnt like short guys 2. she likes tall guys. 3. she doesnt want a guy who will kiss her ass 4. she wants a real person 5. She wants a man. None of the other guys have what she needs. We learn that Chad's mom just died, and he sort of acts like a sociopath when he tells Jojo this, but she thinks that him telling her this makes him sensitive and open so now we are stuck with him. 

At the rose ceremony cocktail party the men are not impressed that Jojo shows up with Chad. They dont know that he was creeping in the bushes, lying in wait for her. He. of course, doesnt tell them this. The mood is heavy, and the men quote Game of Thrones to show their displeasure. I dont feel like talking about Chad anymore, but he eats some meat and Jojo misinterprets all his words and actions but c'est la vie. Maybe she really does need someone to choose for her. 

For some reason we have Chad narrating all of Jojo's choices at the rose ceremony too. Why?? Im not watching this show to hear Chad's opinion on anything. How annyoing. Go back to your rafters Chad! Of course he gets the rose. I give him 2 more weeks. 

I will see you all for week 3, which is apparently 2 episodes. I've got my work cut out for me! Thanks for reading!