Good bye Chad, Hello....Other Chad

Hello! It's the day we've all been waiting for-- The return of The Bachelorette! And the moment we've all been dreading-- the return of The Chad. Yikes! Let's see how it all plays out!

Well, as much as it looked like Chad was stalking through the woods with murder on the brain, it turns out he just went back to the house, blamed his psychopathic tendencies on all the other men, and then left. Bye Chad! You won't be missed.

Celebrating the "shittiest person ever"

So now we start the episode with a rose ceremony, which is not my favorite format, and was definitely not necessary in this case since the Chad "debacle" was hardly worth a 2-week wait. So anyway, without Chad around to rally against, the men realize they are actually competing against each other. Things get sort of testy, but the important part is that Jordan pushes Jojo into a corner to make out with her, while the men sit innocently by on the other side of the wall. It's not quite as steamy as Emily and Ari's alleyway kiss, but it's not too shabby!

If they only knew!

Ultimately, she cuts weird Canadian Daniel, and a man whose name I dont know, who wrote and read her a poem earlier in the episode. I would have cut someone for that poem too! Good one Joj. Daniel believes that if Jojo was picking people based on looks he would still be there. HAHAHA. He thinks women care about muscles. I will make the analogy that women end up dressing for more other women, since most men dont know the difference between a skirt and a dress, as it goes for muscles on men-- men care about them a lot more than any woman I've ever personally met. Especially when said muscles come at the expense of personality, as Daniel's (and Chad's) did.

And with that, we are leaving Pennsylvania, thank god, and going to Uraguay. Where America's elite go to play? I had no idea, but then again I am not a member of America's elite. 

In a move that surprises no one, and excites no one but Jordan, Jordan is the first pick for the one on one. The men are kind of going to pieces with week without the glue of Chad to hold them together, and now they are turning on Jordan. They project all of their insecurities about his pro-football past onto Jojo, saying she may be getting duped and that Jordan is a player. We have seen no evidence to back that up, so I think they are basing it solely on how good looking he his. They all claim they still trust Jojo's judgement.

Just don't trust her judgement with bikinis, the girl can not say no to a crochet detail!

They show us two seconds of the JoJordan cuddling on the beach, then straddling each other in the water while seals frolic behind them, and then it's back to the hotel for more Gossip with the Men!

Vinny has apparently set up a barber shop somewhere in the hotel and was mysteriously given a gossip mag featuring--you guessed it!-- a story about Jojo. Gee, how did Vinny come across that, given that they are all the way in South America? His explanation is simply "men love gossip." Yes, thats true, but clearly, this mag comes via Chris Harrison. The article is written by Jojo's ex, so clearly a very reliable source, but the men seem very quick to believe it. No one is excited for their group date tomorrow. 

Back on the one on one, Jojo gives us some brand new information, saying that she knows one of Jordan's ex girlfriends, and that girl claims that Jordan wasn't a good boyfriend. If she didnt write a magazine article about it, then I just don't believe it :) It sounds like the girl thought Jordan cheated on her, but Jordan, when confronted, says he didn't. Maybe he talked to too many girls, and he would, because he's a pro athlete and he FINE AS HELL, but I believe his story. And so does Jojo. He explains himself, and even manages to completely turn the tables-- even though Jojo confronted him, by the end she is reaching for him, begging him "dont be mad" [at me for asking you a question.]

I'll never confront you again, I promise!

Now, it occurred to me earlier, when watching the preview, that when we see Jojo crying and saying "I hate him" that she may be talking about her ex, the one who left flowers and a note at her house during the hometown dates last season, that Jojo mistakenly thought were from Ben for about 5 minutes. And that turns out to be the case. The producers show Jojo the article as well. Which is interesting, because during every season there are gossip magazines with articles written about the contestants. Yet usually they make it through the show without seeing them. It's actually pretty easy to avoid gossip magazines-- all you have to do is stay away from American supermarkets, which they obviously all are. So why did this one make its way in? 

All people named Chad suck!

Jojo wraps herself in cozy grey cashmere body armor and heads to the guys' suite for a chat. They all seem to handle it pretty well, at least in front of Jojo. They tell her they are on her side, and Jordan likens it, privately, to the conversation they just had on their date, where an ex was spreading rumors. True, but I wouldn't recommend bringing that point up directly with Jojo.

Moving on! 9 men go on a group date, and 2 men go on a spa day. Lucky bastards!

To Uraguay!

The rest of the group date plays out as they always do. The men reassure Jojo that they don't believe the article and don't care about it. She makes out with Luke. Alex "opens up" in a quite stiff and unnatural way and is rewarded with a peck on the cheek. And Derrick, aka Jim, says he is feeling insecure since its been "so long" since his one on one date (I am guessing its been about 2 weeks?). So, naturally, he gets the rose.

M'scuuuuuze me?

The other men aren't impressed. But on to Robby's date!

Jojo frolics amongst the sand and some weird grey blobs while playing with a dog that might be hers, or might just be a vacation beach dog. Unclear. Robby and Jojo jump off a cliff together, which in Bachelorette speak means that at least one of them must now be in love, and in this case, thats Robby. His love comes off as quite creepy, since it is their first one on one date, and he also says thats he's been imagining telling her this for weeks. Ok, sure! She seems charmed and her words say that she likes him a lot, but I'm not feeling a lot of genuine chemistry between them. They sit in front of some food, and then go kiss on the beach beneath the fireworks. 

I'm not wearing any crochet! 

At the rose ceremony, Derrick calls a group of guys out privately to confront them about something, but I have no idea what he was talking about, so Im not going to bother trying. All we need to know is that there is no cocktail party anyway, and three people are getting cut, so there's no point fighting! The boys are sad. 

Evan, Vinny, and Grant are not moving forward. I hope all the guys got their hair cut this week before Vinny's departure! Next week they are heading to Buenos Aires, and Jojo wears a cool royal blue mermaid dress. The previews also make it look like she dumps someone who she wants to be with but they have wronged her... hmmm, who could it be? Or, is it even the case? The previews are 99% of the time highly misleading. I guess we will just have to stay tuned! But for now, my Final 3 prediction is Jordan, Luke, and..... Derrick? Fourth/ alternate being Robby. What about you guys??