Hey y'all! And, we're back. We start the episode where we left off last week, the romantic, intimate airport hanger. Jojo gets back to the business of rose dispersal and to my utter shock (and dismay) she is sending Luke home. I truly don't understand why, and her explanation doesn't help me at all. She said she was struggling to know how he felt....something we never heard her say or mention, and something I don't even think is true. So whats really going on, huh Jojo??

I've lost the ability to blink

Luke was floored, and Jojo could barely stop crying long enough to board her flight to Thailand with her other three boyfriends. She says she misses Luke already, but I doubt we will hear another word about him the rest of the episode. 

Instead, lets go see what Robby (yuck) has to say for himself. The two of them wander around a market and then during a rainstorm they get foot massages, which actually sounds pretty nice. I really dislike the way Robby is constantly selling himself. His exact words were "I've always been honest with you. A perfect example of that would be Uraguay, when I told you I loved you." I mean he has the structure down great for a persuasive essay, but for normal conversation it's a bit off-putting. He says this not in response to Jojo questioning his honesty, which might actually make sense. He also already said this exact thing, last week. Once again Jojo is like, "Yeah, I know." We ALLLLLLL know. And none of us care. I feel no chemistry between them and I don't know what he's still here!!!

Anyway. They go sit in front of plates of food and talk some more about being in love. That is literally all they do. When do they actually fall in love, or show love? Jojo briefly pretends like she has to think about whether or not to give Robby the fantasy suite card (yeah right.) She does, and then Robby starts calling her Joelle, so thats kinda weird. 

Rapunzel?

She leaves Robby's room to take a brief shower before meeting up with Jordan on the beach. I like it when Jojo looks sporty and her freckles show, I think she looks prettier that way, and thats how she is with Jordan for their hike to a temple in a cave. It looked cool and they aren't allowed to kiss. Jojo has also taken care to respect the temple by covering her shoulders. I guess they don't care about legs showing, cuz her shorts aren't covering much! She claims to be unsure if Jordan wants to be with her forever. 

Why hike when you could stay on the beach??

Jojo keeps bringing up that the guys are saying and doing all the same things Ben did, and then he dumped her so how does she know the same won't happen again. Well, for one, you're in charge now, so maybe take some time to decide who YOU like instead of just waiting for them to all fall madly in love with you. For two-- don't go on the same show if you don't want the same problems? Just some advice from a friend!  

Jojo's second first breakfast 

Next up is Chase. Another boring option. I've also realized that I could never appear on this show because I don't look good in short-shorts (yep, thats the only reason!). They hang out on a boat and on the beach and then split up to prepare for dinner, when Robby swings by Jojo's room to say hi. Uhg. Go away. 

Kind of on a date but sure, come on in

After dinner Jojo and Chase head to the fantasy suite where he declares his undying love for her. She doesn't want to hear it! She's not feelin' it and doesn't think it's fair to continue the night. The only thing I am surprised about was that Chase made it to Thailand at all. Perhaps Jojo is wishing this was Luke instead??

Chase gets understandably upset when she asks him to keep talking to her, after he poured his heart out. He, and I, think he has said enough. He was scared to say I love you, and now he regrets it. This smells like a storyline that should be more thoroughly explored on The Bachelor?? Maybe Chase would be less boring there. 

Annnywho. All that's left now is the 2-man rose ceremony....Until!

Wha??

Actually what's shocking is not that Chase shows up but that I can't tell if this is 3 separate people or one person and then 2 ever-fading photo copies of the first man. Turns out Chase was just returning to apologize. So guess who gets the roses?? Jordan and Robby. From the preview it sounds like Jojo wants to pick Jordan but if they break up she'll regret it. Robby is the safer choice but she will always wonder if her and Jordan could have made it. I say she goes with Jordan! I'll see you next week! I'm not even going to watch the Men Tell All (for the first time) because I hate Chad that much. Ciao!

4 Men, 4 "I love yous"

Greetings! Welcome to hometown dates week! Jojo and her men have left South America and headed back to the land of the free and the brave. We start the week with Chase's date, and I missed the part that said where he lived but let's just say it looks remote. 

You have a house in the city too, right?

Chase is initially worried because Jojo's parents have been married for 30 years and he comes from a "broken home" and his parents don't speak. Jojo is going to meet his parents separately, and they don't even have a father-to-bachelorette heart-to-heart, just Chase and his dad talk while Jojo (I'm assuming) wanders around Chase's house snooping. I started to feel bad for Chase because he is clearly trying to do what Jojo tells him she wants, but it also seems very clear that she isn't going to pick him. 

They head to Chase's mom's house and it goes the way these things usually go. Chase's mom is nice and Jojo does a good job chatting with her. Chase seems on the verge of tears the whole night, and then eventually cries. He then tells Jojo he's falling in love with her, so I think Jojo has a full house in terms of men being in love with her. 4 for 4? She doesn't want to say goodbye, but I have a feeling Jordan will ease her pain.

Jojo heads to Chico, CA, which she claims she has never heard of, so clearly she is not a lover of the classic tv show The OC. Jordan must be from a different side of the tracks than Ryan Atwood, though, because his Chico is full of deer and fields, not broken cars and drug dealers. 

Then I learn some truly shocking news. Jordan lives in Nashville. Whaaaaaa???? I moved away too soon, clearly. This is too much for me! Jordan and Jojo are wearing matching clothes yet again, so I guess even if I hadn't left Nashville, I wouldn't have stood a chance. 

On Fridays we wear olive

Jordan goes for full quarterback cliche and takes Jojo to his high school. He points out his old English classroom and I have to say, I don't think I'd remember any of my specific classrooms if I were to head back to good old West Aurora HS. But maybe I'll break in when I'm home and find out. 

Jojo seems to bring up Jordan's famous brother A LOT, but I'm wondering how much of it is the producer's idea, especially when we see that the table has 8 chairs but only 6 people, further highlighting the absence of the golden child (and his famous girlfriend, Olivia Munn). Jojo also seemed extra nervous and I wondered -- is it because she likes Jordan best, or because she's about to meet the Kennedys of American football? Who knows. I haven't done any googling 'round the gossip mags about Jordan and Aaron's relationship, so I know nothing. Aaron's parents like Jojo and everyone gets along great. We even see where Aaron gets his good looks from:

Dueling pompadours

Jojo spoils the night by repeating her fear that Jordan doesn't actually want to be with her long-term. Come on, girl! Just accept what he's saying, despite the fact that he is so good looking it does seem hard to believe that he'd settle down with just one person. She'll come around I'm guessing. 

And next up is Robby, my least favorite. His beard looks like it was sponge-painted on, and he always sorta seems like he's just reading lines and then being really pleased with himself for saying amazing things. It's tiresome. This is also a man who said he couldn't wait to "finally" tell Jojo he loved her... on their first one-on-one date. So lets see how things go!

They start out in a horse-drawn carriage, just normal every day stuff. Robby randomly tells Jojo that he meant it when he said he loved her. She's like, yeah, I believed you. Chill out, Robby. They show up to Robby's parents house with literally like 10 packages each, it looks like they are arriving at a hotel and have their gift bags for out-of-town wedding guests. Seriously. Why so many presents?? And what are they? 

We come bearing gifts! (for every person we've ever met)

You can't really tell in the pic but they are each carrying about ten bags. We learn some interesting things during Robby's dinner. The top most interesting thing being that he seems to have a brother named Ja-Michael. J'Michael?? Not too sure on the spelling but I rewound the tape a few times to listen again, and confirmed that was indeed the name. So where do we go from here??

How about to Jojo telling Robby's mom she's falling in love with him. Whaaaaa? Whyyyyyy? Is it even true? Not sure. It makes no sense. He is so boring and bland and just uhg. I don't get it, and I don't buy it. Robby's mom tells him that his ex's roommate is out spreadin' lies and he goes to get Jojo from the room where she is chatting with his two sisters. He uses the time-honored bachelor code of saying "I'm gonna have to interrupt" and instead of taking Jojo to a new location, he gets rid of his sisters by saying "I'm gonna excuse you two." Don't care for that!

This rumor is the perfect excuse for Jojo to show Robby the door. She claims that is upsets and scares her, but why? Is she confusing him with Jordan? Unclear. Anyway. They have an incredibly long goodbye in the rain and then Jojo leaves...

...And heads back to Texas, her home state as well as Luke's. We also learn the reason for her many, many gift bags-- she confused Robby's date with Luke's. Somehow to this giant group of people they only show up with one bag and one bunch of flowers. Confusing. 

I can't believe J'Michael got my gift bag.

Everyone loves Jojo so no surprises there. Luke's grandpa is funny. They eat BBQ and play bags. Then Luke whisks Jojo away for a horse ride and a nice make-out sesh on a couch made of hay. Jojo has a very strange vibe of sadness around her that I am having a hard time understanding, but I don't like it! It seems like she's already thinking about breaking up with Luke. No! He has one more surprise for her. 

Will you go to prom with me?

He asks her to prom in front of a rose-petal heart. JK guys, but he is symbolically giving her his heart, to let her know that he's hers. I personally think Luke nailed the hometown date, and he's making my beloved Jordan seem a little phony and fake in comparison. Could I possibly have switched teams?? Yes, quite possibly. They say a pretty quick goodbye and then we head to an airplane hanger for the rose ceremony. They must still be deep-cleaning the mansion. 

Jojo arrives and we get a quick interview with her where she says she is going to say goodbye to Luke. Obviously this isn't going to happen, because why wouldn't they just let us watch the rose ceremony? Luke interrupts, takes Jojo aside, and uses the exact words "I" "love" and "you" so that Jojo is clear on his feelings. She says this changes things because she's been wanting to hear it for "so long." (relatively speaking, I assume). This spends Jojo into a tailspin and she can't stop crying. Ill say this for the girl-- she sticks to a type!

Mount Rosemore

She likes them dirty blonde, a bit of scruff, and a strong nose. While the men stand stoically by, Jojo looses her shit just outside the hanger door. I like to imagine the men can hear everything she's saying. Sadly, we don't get to find out what happens, because the show is TO BE CONTINUED. Yuck, I hate when I do that! Next week we get to find out which three stay, and presumably go on some fantasy suite dates. We also get The Men Tell Nothing which I am not excited about in the least because Chad sucks. So, what do you think? Does Luke stay? And if so--- for how long? See ya next week to find out!

I'm in love with 4 men 

El Bachelor

Greetings from down under! It is absolutely freezing here this week! Non-stop wind, rain, and cold. So I'm just sitting on my couch in sweats, slippers, a scarf, and a blanket, drinking tea. It's hard to believe it's summer up North! (And hard to believe I'm missing it!). I hope Jojo's adventures can distract me from this grey misery :)

I was out of town last week and didn't realize there would be no episode due to 4th of July, so it all worked out! The guys start this episode off talking about how incredibly confused they were over the last rose ceremony. Seemed pretty straightforward to me, but I don't take any type of muscle supplement so my mental faculties may be a bit sharper than some of the men. Alex in particular felt confused and upset, but he is finally getting a gaucho-themed one-on-one date today, so he can "stop bitching" now, as Jordan points out. Yay!

I'll never stop bitching

Jojo and Alex take an SUV into the countryside somewhere, and there is absolutely no chemistry between them. They honestly feel like brother and sister in the back of their parents car on a road trip. They eat chips and talk about nothing. We also learn that Alex believes he can freestyle. (He can't). 

Mooooom, tell Alex to leave me alone!

The other 5 men ride in a pretty cool old bus, even though there are only 5 of them so it seems a bit excessive. They too are free-styling, with some small measure of success, though it is still embarrassing to watch. Also, breaking news you guys, and I hope someone tells Jojo about this because she needs to know:

Robby stole the slippers from the hotel!! Not only that, he is wearing them, apparently, as shoes?

Robby has stolen the slippers from the Plaza, and I hope someone takes the time to tell Jojo about this severe lack of character (and fashion sense). Back on the date, Alex and Jojo ride horses and then watch some kind of horse-whisperer dance that they seem really into. It was probably cool in real life. Via tv it looked like this:

#gaucholife

Later, at dinner, Alex tells Jojo he's falling in love with her and this shocks her and freaks her out. She says she never expected to hear that, and she also tells him that she doesn't feel excited when she hears it from him. I don't know why she didn't just let him go home last week. Obviously she didn't feel very strongly about him, but I wonder why she felt like she needed a one-on-one. I feel sorry for him, but I think he'll get over it pretty quickly. I don't actually think his feelings are that deep. But what do I know? Jojo acts upset in her interview but no tears fall, so I don't think she's very upset either. Moving on!

I'm not saying Jojo likes Jordan more than Alex, but one of them got a backseat road trip and potato chips and one is getting a private jet to wine country and a hot tub. Meanwhile, back the ranch, the men speculate on why/if Jordan is the front runner. They think he got the first impression rose because he gets box seats at the Super Bowl...

I'm not so sure that's the reason 

Jojo brings her crochet bikini back to action this week, so she must mean business. We also find out that Luke is getting the other one-on-one date, because Jojo is not hiding her feelings at all, and plus she likes making out with hot men. The other three are sad. 

Jordan opens up to Jojo on their date about his family and that he doesn't talk to his famous brother Aaron (but more importantly, does he still get Super Bowl tickets?). Then he says he loves her and Jojo is verrrrrrry happy. Can't this season just end now? Obviously if she doesn't pick Jordan then something horrible has happened, and I don't want to see it!

Unfortunately, the season isn't over, and there is still a group date. Or do we call it a 3-on-one? It's raining hard so instead of a mysterious outdoor adventure, the date is inside the hotel. Back at the Plaza in Buenos Aires in fact (I guess Robby can return the slippers now). Jojo has a "perfect sleepover" set up and they eat pizza and fries, do a massage train (reluctantly), play charades and Pictionary, and then truth or dare. They also drink champers and watch El Bachelor, so I would say it is indeed a perfect slumber party. 

So weird

After this day of fun the 3 men make their cases to Jojo-- they are all in love, all want to marry her, and all want her to meet their families. I think contestants are saying love earlier and earlier as each season passes. Usually its just the last 2, but we still have 6 plus men left and they are all in. It's interesting. Robby gets the rose. Meh. He is boring to me. 

Luke's date is next and they seem to go back to the same estancia that Jojo was at with Alex. Fair enough if she wants a do over! Luke grew up on a horse farm so he got to show off his skills and Jojo was feelin it. Yet she seems to cut the date short an instead of having a night-time portion, Luke goes home to get ready for the rose ceremony. I must admit Luke grew on me during the date. I might even be moving over to team JoLuke. I know! Its crazy. But he seems smart and nice, and like he thinks about things in a fair and meaningful way. If all those things are true I don't know what he's doing on this show, but I'm wondering if he'll win. Damn you, show! You've got me on a roller coaster of emotions. 

Horse-barn make-out sesh

At the rose ceremony, James Taylor is out. Not surprising. He is a nice guy though. I bet he will meet someone soon! There must be a sweet Vandy-grad somewhere in Nashville that would love someone to play guitar for her. Don't worry JT! Jojo cried actual tears for the first time as well. 

Next week-- we leave Argentina and head back to America where Jojo meets the various fams, hears rumors about Robby and his ex, and wears a second royal blue mermaid dress. Stay tuned!

Bienvenidos!

Welcome to the Paris of South America-- Buenos Aires, y'all!

What will happen this week? We start out with a brief and pointless (?) meeting between Chris and Jojo on a bench where they talk about how wild it is that she is sitting on a bench in Argentina....drinking what looks to be Starbucks coffee. Which makes it a bit less wild, from my point of view. Nothing noteworthy is discussed, but I do wonder, what does Chris Harrison do on all of these travel adventures? He has what seems to amount to 10 minutes per day of working. He doesn't live in the house with the guys. He isn't a producer (or is he?). I'm curious! And I smell a spin  off!

Pre-order my travel memoirs on Amazon today!

The men find out that for the first time ever there will be a second two-on-one date. I honestly wouldn't have known that this is the first time they've repeated this type of date within a season. I wonder-- who is it that Jojo wants to get rid of so badly? I guess we'll find out, after her date with our tiniest Bachelor, Wells. He is also the only one who hasn't kissed Jojo, and, he's from Nashville! The men make fun of him, and he leaves, shaking like a Chihuahua in wintertime. 

Jojo and Wells wander the streets and then go to something that actually seems really cool, an art performance where first they watch from below a watery clear stage as some people slide around. Hard to explain! In voice overs from the men, they act like if Wells' kiss isn't mind-blowing, Jojo will send him home. I don't think so. I think he's played it just right (though seemingly on accident) and put himself in a spot where Jojo wants him. She gives him the perfect set up, sloshing around on basically a giant clear slip and slide with purple and pink lights, and he makes his move, finally. Jojo actually points that out, saying "we did it" which takes away some of the romance, although the kiss looked pretty mild anyway. 

Kiss N Slide (patent pending)

As it turns out, Jojo doesn't give Wells the rose! She tells him she wants a relationship with long-term passion. He doesn't seem to believe in that, and that's ok. He looked like he knew it was coming. So, it's back to Nashville for Wells, may he be rich in cowboy hats and hot chicken.  Oddly enough, Jojo heads back to the art performance alone.

Just wanted to point out how short Alex looks, and how funny Jojos hands are

On the group date, Jojo takes her many "boyfriends" out into the streets to wander around and play soccer. We are treated to many interviews by James Taylor saying that all the other men are perfect physical specimens, and he isn't. He is feeling insecure. I blame it on the eyebrow scar that resulted from his refusal to get stitches. During the soccer game Jojo runs into Jordan and says "your stomach is so hard." And when he lifts his shirt up, we see this to be true. 

Preview of top 2?

At the group date, Jojo and Luke make out intensely in their matching leather jackets. 

The (dementor's) kiss

I am briefly concerned that Jojo is matching Luke now, instead of Jordan, which is worrisome. Another thing that should be worrisome, to James Taylor anyway, is that not only has he been given high-than-average facetime this episode, which is usually the kiss of death, he has also bad mouthed a front runner. This never ends well. He claims that Jordan is entitled and used the example of a card game. Jojo seemed unmoved and tells his she will "probably" pay attention to this. Unless she gets distracted by teeth, hair, eyes, "hard stomach," etc. But thanks for the tip, JT!

I was worried for nothing--Jojo and Jordan are matching as well!

Jojo confronts Jordan, Jordan confronts JT, its a lot of J-names and not all that much drama. Luke gets the rose because he talked about Jojo and nothing else, and showed Jojo how great a kisser he is. The rest of the guys act lame when she gives him the rose.

The two on one date is as to be expected. The three of them first go for a very awkward tango lesson, and then for a dinner. Table for 3 please! A very uncommon reservation, for good reason. Derrick opened up to her, but I have to say, I have turnt on him a bit. There is something about him that I don't care for. He is cocky in a very weird way. For Chase, she tells him that she needs words of affirmation in a relationship, and although he is not used to giving them, he tries? (Tip to Jojo, if this quality doesn't come naturally, you will be begging for words of affirmation through your whole relationship!). In a very shocking twist, she gives Chase the rose!

Derrick not happy. Derrick sad. 

I was surprised, and so was Derrick. So was Chase for that matter! She walks Derrick out but I'm not sure why because she just hugs him and send him on his way. He is sad in the limo because he now thinks he is imperfect. I wonder, if Jojo had picked him, would that have meant he was perfect? Dangerous thinking, Jim. Chase and Jojo go to a concert where there is FINALLY a song I know, and that is a little diddy from the movie Evita. I had the Madonna soundtrack version in high school and listened to it non-stop, although I've never seen the movie. If I ever travel to Ar-hen-tina I will be sure to watch. 

At the rose ceremony everyone puts in their time with Jojo, and that includes Jordan telling her he wants to be engaged and thinks they can "get there." Her response is to act surprised and delighted that he is finally opening up, but she says the same thing every week to him, so whats that all about? He is constantly telling her his feelings, and she is constantly surprised. Jojo hands out roses to Jordan, (duh), and Robby (not sure why), and then leaves dramatically. She tells Chris she doesn't want to give out the last rose, leading us to believe Alex and James Taylor are both leaving. Of course this is not actually the case, and in fact the opposite is true. She returns with 2 roses and they are both safe, but neither one seems that happy about it. Alex calls them pity roses. True!!

"Alex and James, will you accept these roses, each worth half a rose?"

And that's it folks! Next week I'll be in South Australia on vacay but I will make time to watch of course!