Good bye Chad, Hello....Other Chad

Hello! It's the day we've all been waiting for-- The return of The Bachelorette! And the moment we've all been dreading-- the return of The Chad. Yikes! Let's see how it all plays out!

Well, as much as it looked like Chad was stalking through the woods with murder on the brain, it turns out he just went back to the house, blamed his psychopathic tendencies on all the other men, and then left. Bye Chad! You won't be missed.

Celebrating the "shittiest person ever"

So now we start the episode with a rose ceremony, which is not my favorite format, and was definitely not necessary in this case since the Chad "debacle" was hardly worth a 2-week wait. So anyway, without Chad around to rally against, the men realize they are actually competing against each other. Things get sort of testy, but the important part is that Jordan pushes Jojo into a corner to make out with her, while the men sit innocently by on the other side of the wall. It's not quite as steamy as Emily and Ari's alleyway kiss, but it's not too shabby!

If they only knew!

Ultimately, she cuts weird Canadian Daniel, and a man whose name I dont know, who wrote and read her a poem earlier in the episode. I would have cut someone for that poem too! Good one Joj. Daniel believes that if Jojo was picking people based on looks he would still be there. HAHAHA. He thinks women care about muscles. I will make the analogy that women end up dressing for more other women, since most men dont know the difference between a skirt and a dress, as it goes for muscles on men-- men care about them a lot more than any woman I've ever personally met. Especially when said muscles come at the expense of personality, as Daniel's (and Chad's) did.

And with that, we are leaving Pennsylvania, thank god, and going to Uraguay. Where America's elite go to play? I had no idea, but then again I am not a member of America's elite. 

In a move that surprises no one, and excites no one but Jordan, Jordan is the first pick for the one on one. The men are kind of going to pieces with week without the glue of Chad to hold them together, and now they are turning on Jordan. They project all of their insecurities about his pro-football past onto Jojo, saying she may be getting duped and that Jordan is a player. We have seen no evidence to back that up, so I think they are basing it solely on how good looking he his. They all claim they still trust Jojo's judgement.

Just don't trust her judgement with bikinis, the girl can not say no to a crochet detail!

They show us two seconds of the JoJordan cuddling on the beach, then straddling each other in the water while seals frolic behind them, and then it's back to the hotel for more Gossip with the Men!

Vinny has apparently set up a barber shop somewhere in the hotel and was mysteriously given a gossip mag featuring--you guessed it!-- a story about Jojo. Gee, how did Vinny come across that, given that they are all the way in South America? His explanation is simply "men love gossip." Yes, thats true, but clearly, this mag comes via Chris Harrison. The article is written by Jojo's ex, so clearly a very reliable source, but the men seem very quick to believe it. No one is excited for their group date tomorrow. 

Back on the one on one, Jojo gives us some brand new information, saying that she knows one of Jordan's ex girlfriends, and that girl claims that Jordan wasn't a good boyfriend. If she didnt write a magazine article about it, then I just don't believe it :) It sounds like the girl thought Jordan cheated on her, but Jordan, when confronted, says he didn't. Maybe he talked to too many girls, and he would, because he's a pro athlete and he FINE AS HELL, but I believe his story. And so does Jojo. He explains himself, and even manages to completely turn the tables-- even though Jojo confronted him, by the end she is reaching for him, begging him "dont be mad" [at me for asking you a question.]

I'll never confront you again, I promise!

Now, it occurred to me earlier, when watching the preview, that when we see Jojo crying and saying "I hate him" that she may be talking about her ex, the one who left flowers and a note at her house during the hometown dates last season, that Jojo mistakenly thought were from Ben for about 5 minutes. And that turns out to be the case. The producers show Jojo the article as well. Which is interesting, because during every season there are gossip magazines with articles written about the contestants. Yet usually they make it through the show without seeing them. It's actually pretty easy to avoid gossip magazines-- all you have to do is stay away from American supermarkets, which they obviously all are. So why did this one make its way in? 

All people named Chad suck!

Jojo wraps herself in cozy grey cashmere body armor and heads to the guys' suite for a chat. They all seem to handle it pretty well, at least in front of Jojo. They tell her they are on her side, and Jordan likens it, privately, to the conversation they just had on their date, where an ex was spreading rumors. True, but I wouldn't recommend bringing that point up directly with Jojo.

Moving on! 9 men go on a group date, and 2 men go on a spa day. Lucky bastards!

To Uraguay!

The rest of the group date plays out as they always do. The men reassure Jojo that they don't believe the article and don't care about it. She makes out with Luke. Alex "opens up" in a quite stiff and unnatural way and is rewarded with a peck on the cheek. And Derrick, aka Jim, says he is feeling insecure since its been "so long" since his one on one date (I am guessing its been about 2 weeks?). So, naturally, he gets the rose.

M'scuuuuuze me?

The other men aren't impressed. But on to Robby's date!

Jojo frolics amongst the sand and some weird grey blobs while playing with a dog that might be hers, or might just be a vacation beach dog. Unclear. Robby and Jojo jump off a cliff together, which in Bachelorette speak means that at least one of them must now be in love, and in this case, thats Robby. His love comes off as quite creepy, since it is their first one on one date, and he also says thats he's been imagining telling her this for weeks. Ok, sure! She seems charmed and her words say that she likes him a lot, but I'm not feeling a lot of genuine chemistry between them. They sit in front of some food, and then go kiss on the beach beneath the fireworks. 

I'm not wearing any crochet! 

At the rose ceremony, Derrick calls a group of guys out privately to confront them about something, but I have no idea what he was talking about, so Im not going to bother trying. All we need to know is that there is no cocktail party anyway, and three people are getting cut, so there's no point fighting! The boys are sad. 

Evan, Vinny, and Grant are not moving forward. I hope all the guys got their hair cut this week before Vinny's departure! Next week they are heading to Buenos Aires, and Jojo wears a cool royal blue mermaid dress. The previews also make it look like she dumps someone who she wants to be with but they have wronged her... hmmm, who could it be? Or, is it even the case? The previews are 99% of the time highly misleading. I guess we will just have to stay tuned! But for now, my Final 3 prediction is Jordan, Luke, and..... Derrick? Fourth/ alternate being Robby. What about you guys??

Chad's Rage, Volume 2

Aaaaand we're back! Picking up where we left off, with Chris telling our men that there is no cocktail party before the rose ceremony. Sad! Oh, but instead, there is a pool party--tricked ya! Jojo comes over in one of her favored crocheted bikinis and they start doing shots and synchronized diving. Evan gets a bloody nose and no one knows why.

In what looks like right away but who actually knows when it occurs, Jojo sneaks away with Jordan to a private bench.

I mean, yeah

(Side bar: the men have clearly had some type of arts and crafts day because every one of them is wearing one of these "necklaces" of stiff leather that kind of sits away from their bodies, and some type of beads. It's quite odd, and never addressed!)

Jojo demonstrates the yoga moves she learned with Chase

JoJordan are very touchy feely and they clearly like each other and I am putting him down as my top 2 option. You heard it here first! In fact, I think he may win. 

The pool party is fairly boring for the most part, and we have to deal with WAY TOO MUCH CHAD SCREEN TIME. I do not care what he thinks. Stop showing me. After Chris and Jojo leave Chad sits in the bushes and rips up sticks. Then he comes to confront Jim Halpert (can't remember his name) because he lurked around and heard him tell Jojo he moved rooms to get away from Chad and there is now a security guard. In the confrontation, Jim did a great job! 

Chad, your meat breath was simply keeping me awake at night, thats why I had to change rooms.

He kept his cool, he shut down all of Chad's "points," and he responded in ways that were too complex for Chad to recover from. He also ignored Chad's childish insults, which you don't see men on TV do everyday, so, well done Jim! I promise to learn your real name. 

Swan of doom

The rose ceremony happens and Chad gets a rose and Jojo wants to leave the past behind so they are moving out of the mansion and going somewhere new. I can't figure out where, but there are trees and mud, and Jojo gets there by private bi-plane so I guess it can't be too far away. I was wrong, they are in Pennsylvania, but, WHY? It is all dead trees and brown grass and it reminds me of late April in the midwest when all you want is spring but the weather refuses to warm up. No thanks!!

Luke, who I feel like we haven't seen much of, is the lucky recipient of the first single date. He is a war vet, and he is also from Texas. Close to where Jojo is from ? Not sure. 

This is new

Jojo and Luke hop on some type of 4-wheel buggy covered in fur, carried by eight German shepherds, and captained by a dude in a green shirt. It is odd, but I guess it looks fun. Maybe? Jojo is into Luke because he  looks like a model but he's also a country boy. She wants to know more. Starting with, what do you look like topless. They come upon a wood-oven hot tub, which I did not know was a thing. Seems like that temp would be hard to regulate! Turns out that's true and the water is so hot that Jojo cusses and jumps away. Luke must lower her into the water as if he picked her up out of a wheel chair. Once in the water Jojo and her bright blue (and yes, crocheted) bikini top are finally comfy, and they are able to feed each other (boiled) strawberries. 

Easy does it

In the heart-to-heart portion of the date Luke wins me over a bit. He talks in a way that sounds fairly intelligent and sensitive. And he is cuter than I originally thought.

He gets a rose, to no one's surprise. And then, WHAT? A concert where we get to stand on a tiny stage in front of a bunch of fans and dance?? Sure, that's fun. ? Who is the band? I think every post-date band is actually the same people because the songs definitely always sounds the same. Only when we have a private concert IN a helicopter has The Bachelor truly lived up to its potential.

So intimate

At the house the group date is read and Chad relaxes by the hot tub in A BELT, making threats of violence. Just typical Chad stuff.

My arm veins are a topographical map.... of destruction 

The date is a football date, which I like to think Jojo actually planned in order to give her boo, Jordan, an advantage. They are also both dressed in all black work-out gear so they are clearly synched up. The men run and fall and flip and tackle each other as you would expect. Jordan can throw balls fast, which you would also expect since he played professionally (for the Jaguars, the Buccaneers, the Dolphins. And you guys, his uncle is Don Knotts. How weird is that?? thank you wikipedia). 

In other news, non-grammy-winning James Taylor gets his eye smashed by someone else and he refuses to get stitches. 

Stitches are for women. I prefer hard-core man stuff

When James returns to the group, bloody of face and split of eyebrow, one of the men in charge claim "that's a warrior." This attitude has always made me feel a little bit sorry for men. It seems like they always have to act like nothing hurts, and yet they have also been proven to have a lower pain tolerance than women (It's true, I saw it on Mythbusters!). So if they fall on their tailbone, smash their neck, break their face, etc, they must keep playing. And if they do admit that, say, splitting your face in half actually does hurt a little bit, they are derided and called weak and any other manor of insults, usually words meant to compare them to women. To me, it's sad. But anyway.. James Taylor is continuing forward, most likely giving himself a permanent scar while he's at it. 

Now, for the actual football game that the men must play in order to win time at night with Joj, Jordan is acting as the "all-time quarterback," which could be a real thing buuuuuut..... is it?? Because he is QB for both teams and hence, he will go on the night portion of the date no matter what. How interesting! Of course, if he was actually on one of the teams, that would probably be a bit unfair, but still. I see you Jojo. And I like what you're up to! The Blue team of misfits wins when Jim (sorry, Derrek) steals the ball (didn't know that was a thing you could do in football) and runs it for a touchdown. At least I think that's what happened. The underdogs are pumped! The jocks are sad :(

Look who is sitting next to each other yet again!

At the cocktail party, Jojo sits next to Jordan. She kisses Robbie, but sadly for him, Jordan is also still a person who exists, so.... too bad for you! Jordan is sad that Jojo finds him "hard to read" (since he hasn't told her enough times yet that he likes her). I think Jojo needs more from him (and maybe I'm just projecting here) because she likes him soooo much and also may feel that he is out of her league because he;s so good looking (I don't think he is, but maybe she does) and so she needs him to be more explicit than he's been. He listens to her, and whispers sweet nothings in her ear in front of a fountain. I mean, come on!! Maybe Chad had to stay to distract the rest of the men from seeing that they've already lost to Jordan? Just a theory from the dark side.  Oh, he gets the rose, too. He's winning this, right??

In what promises to be the WORST and most awkward two-on-one date EVER, Alex and Chad are heading to the forest with Jojo. But not without some post-show "I'll come to your house" death threats from Chad first. And directed at Jordan! You BEST get to steppin, Chad. Jordan, there is safe refuge for you in Australia should you feel scared for your life. 

Such a natural and relaxing setting in the late winter woods of PA

Now, Alex is an interesting character to me because he is probably a bit of a hot head, but Chad is human garbage so it's justified. I am glad that he is a marine because that tells me that he is probably actually tough, and not just all talk. That's good for him. He tells Jojo what Chad has been doing, and not in the vague and annoying way these convos usually go down, saying things like "he's different with us" "you havent seen the real him" etc, instead he says "he told Jordan he was going to find him." Well done, Alex. Jojo certainly won't stand for anyone threatening Jordan!! And sure enough, she doesn't, bringing it up with Chad, although it is after she confusingly calls Chad "sweet" and "sensitive." Just because his mom died doesn't mean he is sensitive, girl! Fo' realz though. Chad told you multiple times the only way he can fix things is with violence. He thinks he's being good because he hasn't ACTUALLY hit anyone (yet). 

Let's say Chad's personality has changed 100% since his mom died and he is now a raging maniac and murderous sociopath. Still, Jojo, not the time for you to be in a relationship with him. And if he was acting different from how he used to be, wouldn't he be worried about that himself, and wondering why he feels such violent thoughts when he never has before? This is clearly how he has always been. 

Anyway, Jojo confronts Chad once again, he denies nothing, and she does a little bit of a smack down, saying that he's a fake, he's a liar, and she does not want to be with someone who uses violence as a way to solve problems. Alex gets the rose by default, and I think he knows this, but is willing to go along with it and lighten Jojo's mood for the rest of the night. I wonder if Jojo is annoyed that none of the other men told her how Chad's been threatening people.

Ding dong the Chad is gone

This is how the men react to finding out Chad is gone. And rightfully so! Usually the house of men on The Bachelorette is pretty chill and low key, with men hanging around, farting, and writing musicals. There is no rose ceremony this week, which means we've gone back to that horrible format. We see Chad wandering through the woods, ending up back at the PA mansion and knocking on the door. Which isn't right, because the producers should have tranquilized him as he stalked through the woods and put his ass in a cab back to Oklahoma by now, where, maybe, life is all "airplanes and blueberries" (as he so eloquently stated earlier). The men are rightfully scared and there is a reason I don't watch scary movies. This is turning into one. 

We have no episode next week-- BOO! In two (long!) weeks we have Jojo sobbing, a "reason to be afraid," and Jordan seriously comforting Jojo, once again in matching colors. I'm all for burying the lead and tricking the viewers about who's "winning," but I do sincerely hope they stop before murder or irreversible brain damage occurs. Find out, in two weeks!

It'll be ok. In 8 weeks we can get engaged.

Chad's Rage, Volume 1

Hello, and welcome to this 2-night Bachelorette Extravaganza! Luckily I am not working today, and the internet is finally up and running at our new place, so I can devote all kinds of time to this!

It looks like we are starting right off with The Chad Show, which involves many "plates of meat" left scattered about the house (why isn't Chad finishing said meat??), the men complaining about what a horrible guy he is, and Chad talking about his SuitCaseWeights (patent pending). We also learn Chad believes he and Jojo have the strongest connection (not sure why he would think that when Jordan Rogers is within 100 miles of him, but ok!). He, of course, is mad that he didn't get the first one-on-one, but he also has plenty of delusions as to why that would be the case.

Chris Harrison: Looking for love in all the wrong places 

The man who did get the date is Chase. They go to a yoga studio where it appears they are doing both hot yoga and kundalini yoga, so I guess thats just an effort to make yoga look stranger than it really is. There are grunts, thrusts, sweating, tantrums, and more! It looks awkward and not fun. I wouldn't want to do that alone in my living room let alone on a televised date. Oddly enough,  things get less awkward when Jojo and Chase move on to the straddling portion of class, and Chase does kiss her. Go Chase! I feel like many guys who have been on this show would have let that opportunity slip by.

I've never seen this pose in a yoga class

During the date we, unfortunately cut to the house, where we have to watch Chad's arm veins threatening to burst out from under the skin. A lot of guys think muscles automatically make you hot. They are very wrong.

Impressing no one but each other

Also, on the one-on-one date, you guys are NEVER going to believe what happens!! After dinner there is a private concert by a band that Chase claims to know, but no one has ever actually heard of. Jojo likes Chase and he seems like a good guy but I feel like so far he's too stiff to be the winner.

The group date is announced and much to my pleasure, Chad's name is on the card. Chad says he would prefer to not go at all, and just wait for a one-on-one down the line. The guys call his bluff and tell him just to not go then, no worries! Problem solved. This leads to Chad staring at lots of people, and throwing out a string of extremely basic and sexist (not a surprise) insults. He is clearly extremely jealous of Jordan (duh) because he can't stop talking about his football career. I believe Shakespeare said it best when he said, Better to have played and lost than never to have played at all!

I'm no used car salesman, but I get by

On the date, the men arrive at a small theater. There are only 5 rows of seats and there is also an unmade bed on stage so you know there is going to be some experimental shit happening up in here! A woman comes out making lots of, shall we say, "sexy time" sounds, which some of the men claim to have never heard before (Jojo take note). Then they learn they too will be going on stage to tell deep, dark, sex secrets. Uhoh!

Look who's sitting next to each other!

It should go without saying that Chad is rolling his eyes throughout all of this, and I am truly scared to hear ANY of his deep dark sexual secrets. Hopefully, he will not tell us any. Meanwhile, these are Daniel's notes:

His story also involved a woman tied up and using a knife to cut of a bit of hair, so I think we have found this season's serial killer. Jojo: RUN.

In a move that makes me nervous, Evan decides to use his time to make fun of Chad. No one else is brave enough, but everyone wants to see it, so they don't discourage him. Unfortunately, there are too many in-jokes, and it is boring and falls flat. If you're gonna do it, you must do it well. In a weird way, Evan has grown on me. He will never in a million years win, or get close, but there is something about him-- he kinda reminds me of Andre from The League. Goofy, nerdy, but smart and ultimately just a nice guy wearing too many bracelets. 

Chad goes last (why??) and after he rips the shirt off Evan's back on his way to the stage, he calls Jojo down. She looks mortified but plays along. He says it's all about the future, not the past, and tries to kiss her. She straight up turns her face and then pushes him away, while saying no and also shaking her head.

Please no

Chad punches a door and cuts his hand open. When the men ask him about this he says the "door walked in the way of my hand" and that if he can't lift weights he will "murder someone," although it would have been 100% his fault. These are some legitimately scary words to hear, and I hope that when someone tells Jojo she believes them. He should be easy to get rid of, as he is mean, ugly, rude, and a likely wife-beater from the sounds of it.

Next up, Jojo and Jordan talk and cuddle on a couch (Team JoJordan!), someone tries on a coat, blah blah blah, and in a move that is so amazing I had to watch it twice-- Jojo sends Chad away when he tries to "steal her."

Can you not?

It has long been a mystery-- are the bachelors/bachelorettes not allowed to say no when they are talking to one person, and another person comes up and wants their turn. No one ever says no, which makes it seem like its an unspoken rule. Not for Jojo!! She says, twice, to Chad "He just sat down," (referring to whoever she was sitting with) and Chad stalks off. I hope this moment was teased in the previews because this is truly history we are witnessing you guys!

I'm not going to fully recap the rest of this god-forsaken group date because Chad is a waste of time and space. His insults are insane, he is out of his mind, and he also needs chapstick. So, moving on. 

Evan gets the rose (twist!)

And Chad breaks down:

He thinks that the only thing any woman would ever chose Evan for over him is "sweeping their front yard." LOL because-- what?? I have never swept a yard nor have I considered hiring a man to do that for me. It's hilarious because Chad is just so clearly insecure. Chad, what happened to you? JK dont care. 

Jojo goes on a swing-dance date with James Taylor:

5-time Grammy winner and Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Inductee James Taylor?!

No, not that one. 

They seem to have fun, and James is a sweet-seeming, but goofy, guy. Imagine Chad on this date. Can't do it, can you? Maybe a date where they do a salumi tasting and then push boulders up a hill. But hopefully he will never get a date so we won't have to see it. They have a good time, and he serenades her on his guitar atop a mountain. He gets a rose, and a kiss.

Back at the manse, Evan tells Chris that Chad has been violent. As if Chris hasn't already seen all the footage, and ignored it. Chad twists the story, and if only any of the other men would speak up and agree with Evan, that would make Chad look a lot worse. Chris tells him to go apologize. Right. Sure. Great advice Chris. Chad's talking head says that he is going to cut off everyones arms and legs and there will just be torsos, and there comes a point where the only option is violence. First of all, no. Second of all, he sounds like the journals that get found after teenagers shoot up schools. I wonder how far The Bachelor will go for a good episode of TV (not that I find this good). But look at this "person"

(ew)

and first, ask if you think he was pushed out of the way by Evan, and two, how much damage can he do with one punch? Well, as we know, people can be killed with one punch, and every producer has heard every violent, threatening word that Chad has said so far on the show, (and have done nothing to address it), and there is no way one  chubby security guard is going to be able to do anything to stop him, should he start. On a show that is supposed to be about journeys and roses, I don't like how much it has become about violence. That's not good tv to me; it is scary, and it shouldn't be happening at all.

So that's my two cents of seriousness! Im going to go get some fresh air, have a coffee, and paint my sewing table before I come back this evening for Part Deux: The Reckoning. May peace be with you! (And with Evan). 

Week 2 The Chad-lorette

Greetings!! Welcome to Week 2 in Jojo Searches for a Husband. I am writing to you from Aaron's old house, which we moved out of on Monday but were not able to get internet at the new place until next week, so I am laying on the floor in a cold, empty bedroom because I am committed. And I didnt want to get off track just 1 week in. Next week I will be watching in warmth from our sweet new couch, possibly while sippin on some wine as well.

As for this week, we are off to a strong start when this guy:

ooooga

thinks he is the only one among the men who has ever been with a girl as a hot as Jojo before. He also mentions his "auto dealer" days as a (used?) car salesman, and his name is Chad, so I'm not sure why he is so cocky, but he is, and it's annoying me already! I mean, Chad, if you are going to suck and trick someone into liking you, you generally have to be pretty hot, as Bachelorette History has taught us.

The first group date begins with a limo on fire.... symbolizing a burning of the past?? The men hope that Jojo isnt inside the limo needing rescuing... now that would be quite a dramatic beginning. Surprise! Jojo pulls up in the fire truck and puts out the fire while not wearing anything to protect her arms. The men watch and are schocked that women can do this. She puts them all at ease afterwards by telling them it was "harder than she thought it would be." Phew! She is still girly. 

The men have to go to a fire training to compete for Jojo and show her that they have brute strength. All of them do except for Wells. Grant is an actual firefighter so that seems unfair. (And it turns out he won! That would be embarrassing if he didn't.) The last contest is to literally save Jojo from a burning building (so much for her being the firefighter). She stands at the top cheering for the men to come save her. She wants them to do well because "trust is important to her." Wow, really? I wonder why. One the date, she kisses Luke, laughs with Wells and also gives him the rose. Hmmmm.  

Oh yeah, back at the house the men seem to be working on a musical called "Jojo Where'dya Go?" and it is looking like its gonna be pretty good. Chad hates it and would rather hang from the rafters. Thats not a metaphor. 

Hanging Chad

Derrick gets the first date and Jordan is sad. Maybe Jojo is listening to the advice of the tribunal and ignoring her fave early on. He is bummed, and so am I. 

He looks like a poor man's John Krasinski?

Derrick is sorta cute in a Jim and Pam kinda way, and Jojo takes him on a Choose Your Own Adventure date where, in each instance, they pick the opposite of what I would have done. Made for each other? They go Sky, North, Golden Gate bridge, (and have been upgraded from helicopter to private jet, so well done, Jojo), and end up picnicking by the water, then dining by the water. She gives him a rose and they kiss by a fountain. 

Meanwhile, back at the house, musical rehersals are still ongoing and Chad tells us that he usually "warns girls" about nice guys. Oooooh boy. He thinks you can only be nice if you are fake, so that's pretty frightening. What would be really great would be if he didnt get picked for a date at all this week. Alas, he is going. 

The men have caught on pretty quickly that Chad sooks. Let's see if Jojo notices! They find Jojo on Sports Nation which I guess is a sports show. So the hosts are here to "protect Jojo" to "make sure she picks the right guy." Wow, Jojo is lucky she has help, there is no way she could pick the right one on her own. Let the games begin!

The men have to do a touchdown dance with a rose, do a fake proposal, and get interviewed. Chad is literally the worst. Why is Jojo saying that his honesty is something she likes about him? You know what, honesty doesnt automatically make you a good person, and what he calls "honesty" is actually just a bad attitude and a crappy disposition. And now Jojo's "protectors" give him second place, thereby illustrating the problem with not choosing for yourself. Uhg. How annoying. Yes Chad, we know you just met Jojo and don't actually love her yet. You can also say you love her smile, even if you've only known her one day. Chill out, and maybe lighten the dose on the steroids. Just one woman's opinion! (which I am sure doesnt hold much weight with Chad. He relies on suitcases full of stones for that) 

Y'all don't know me! Y'all just jealous!

James Taylor, the singer/songwriter from Nashville, reads Jojo some type of manifesto that includes the gems I love "family, food, strangers, hardcore man stuff but also the occasional chick flick and always a happy ending." Whoa. I wonder what hardcore man stuff is? I wonder if Jojo likes chick flicks. I wonder if happy endings are legal in Nashville now. This note leads to a kiss, and, eventually, a rose... sending CHad into a lovely tailspin.

We have the pleasure of listening to Chad narrate the date. For someone who earlier claimed not to know Jojo well enough yet to be able to say a single nice thing about her, he sure seems to know her now! He tells us that she 1. doesnt like short guys 2. she likes tall guys. 3. she doesnt want a guy who will kiss her ass 4. she wants a real person 5. She wants a man. None of the other guys have what she needs. We learn that Chad's mom just died, and he sort of acts like a sociopath when he tells Jojo this, but she thinks that him telling her this makes him sensitive and open so now we are stuck with him. 

At the rose ceremony cocktail party the men are not impressed that Jojo shows up with Chad. They dont know that he was creeping in the bushes, lying in wait for her. He. of course, doesnt tell them this. The mood is heavy, and the men quote Game of Thrones to show their displeasure. I dont feel like talking about Chad anymore, but he eats some meat and Jojo misinterprets all his words and actions but c'est la vie. Maybe she really does need someone to choose for her. 

For some reason we have Chad narrating all of Jojo's choices at the rose ceremony too. Why?? Im not watching this show to hear Chad's opinion on anything. How annyoing. Go back to your rafters Chad! Of course he gets the rose. I give him 2 more weeks. 

I will see you all for week 3, which is apparently 2 episodes. I've got my work cut out for me! Thanks for reading!